Thoughts from a new player, by Stewart Price (strontium_cat).
It was 1994, in a small village 20 miles from Edinburgh that it happened for the first time. I was 13, with a home-done undercut that somehow contrived to meet at the front of my head and an Adidas sunhat.
Ace of Base dominated the charts, Spliffy Jeans were a thing and the Twin Towers gazed proudly 
over the New York skyline.
My family had gone up to Scotland to visit friends and I was paired with a boy 6 months older and 2 foot taller. Games Workshop had released Man O’ War the previous year and we were pushing tiny boats across a piece of old kitchen lino.
After an hour of this, the giant boy unfolded himself like an gothic anglepoise and reached down a box from the top of his wardrobe. On the lid an ogre in leopardprint shorts was laying about him with a goblin tucked under his arm. Inside was a polystyrene pitch and 22 plastic miniatures.
After playing for a bit, we packed it away. The giant boy turned to me conspiratorially. “Some people play it that your turn ends if one of your men falls over”.
“Woah, gag me with a spoon, man” I chortled in the popular slang of the time and thought no more of this strange game.
25 years later, I spot Blood Bowl on xbox game pass. I play it a few times and can’t really get my head round it, but am curious enough to buy a skaven team, daub them in 49ers colours and take them down to my friendly local game store, Incom Gaming. I still struggle to get my head round it. A kindly soul does his best to explain and I begin to understand that dice are cruel and cages are safe. I don’t keep playing though. I change jobs, move house, do lots of other stuff and real life, as it does, takes over.
Another 12 months and I see Blood Bowl in a sale on steam. I absently mindedly buy it, thinking “Well, it might be a bit less fiddly with a mouse”. And like a mouse, something clicks. Like, massively, massively clicks. Imagine the hand of God reaching down through the clouds, but it’s not God but Nuffle and his face is beautiful and terrible and he grants me, after all those wasted years, an understanding of how assists work when blocking. I almost cried.
I began to consume content voraciously. Jimmy Fantastic, The Sage, CKnorr, Andy Davo, Joemanji – they overran my YouTube history and the likes of LindyBeige fell spurned to the wayside. I joined a group on Facebook and tentatively asked questions. I was bowled over by the response.
You have the most incredible community around Blood Bowl. You kept a forgotten game alive and are some of the funniest, warmest people I’ve met. The art and invention that goes into your teams is incredible, but there never seems to be any elitism. You remain welcoming, nerdy, slightly strange and deeply, deeply clever.
I soon got bored with the AI on PC Blood Bowl. It’s fun to play, but there soon comes a point where you find yourself tetchily muttering “Well, what was that in aid of?”. I’ve found it handy for learning the rules and teaching myself patterns though.
The real epiphany came when playing a friend over pc, my Undead vs his Nurgle. A touch back from my initial kickoff resulted in him giving the ball to his beast of Nurgle, who happily slimed his way down the pitch and over the line. I’d given preventing the touchdown up as a lost cause and focused instead on punching people. A bad plan is better than no plan.
The second half saw my drive grind to a halt, but my opponent was enough of a gent to provide some on the spot coaching. A push into the loose ball saw it ricochet around 4 or 5 players, all of them slapping at it like a dad at a wasp picnic. Eventually it bobbled loose. A skeleton pounced on it and hared down the line, wights struggling free from the scrum of bodies and chasing in support. A Nurgle Pestigor pounded towards the corner flag in an attempt to head him off.
It finally came down to a three dice block from a Wight to decide the result. A skull, a skull and a push proved just enough for the skeleton to wobble exultantly to glory. Probably the best game of any description I’ve ever played.
I know in writing this I’m preaching to the choir. You know it’s a great game, I have nothing to teach you and nothing I’ve said is a revelation.
I guess I’m writing this to say thank you, and to encourage you to keep bringing new players into the game. Keep offering advice, keep reaching out. On behalf of the new guys, we need you. Gag me with a spoon.
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